Are you a classic 'narcissistic ? A difficult question to answer about oneself. If you are one, it will not be easy to be recognised as a narcissistic personality in routine course of time, unless you are a celebrity or happen to occupy a prominent position or become a leader of some consequence.
If you are an employee and the organisation has an expert psychoanalyst, there is a good possibility that at the time of interview or at the time of two ways appraisal your hidden narcissistic traits can be slightly traced.
There are numerous variety of personalities in the world. In fact, somebody rightly exclaimed that there are as many personalities on this planet as equivalent to as many human beings existing on this earth ! But there has to be classification and segmentation of different classes in all walks of life for identification and so is the case with personalities.
Freud broadly identified three main types of personalities: 1. Erotic 2. Obsessive and 3. Narcissistic
As far as Erotic Personalities are concerned, please do not go by the dictionary meaning of titillating word: 'erotic' , as it may connote sexual personality. It is not so. As per Freud, erotic personalities are those for whom loving and being loved is vital.
This blog will restrict only to narcissistic types.
Freud named the narcissistic type after the great mythical figure Narcissus who died because of his quixotical and pathological preoccupation predominantly with himself.
Coming back to the title: Are you a narcissistic ? All of us are like having a streak of all sort of existing personalities with numerous permutation and combination. Yes, we are all somewhat narcissistic and so also we are some what obsessive, erotic or a combination of any other personalities that have been defined in any text books and will be so in new type of personalities that emerge from time to time to suit changing times. The important point that needs to be underlined is that one of the most dynamic trait or tendencies generally dominates the other and you get branded as one.
Dominant traits of narcissitics:
•Hard personality to understand, appraise and analyse
•Negative impression but very difficult to make out at the first sight
•They are amazingly daring but you realise this hidden trait only in times of adversity as they exhibit audacity suddenly in times of crisis
•High risk takers. At times, even at the cost of company going downhill. They may not realsie but gets realised at the crux of times
•Highly self protective and extremely independent
•Abnormally dogmatic
•Maverick in nature and highly distrustful (.. but all disguised !)
•They deliberately shun emotions
•Abrasively poor listeners - it is a ploy (why should i listen to others when i am at the helm of affairs). Impatient by nature but curtailed and disguised to large extent.
•Over sensitive, especially to negative criticism
•Will not tolerate slights, especially in groups and public
•When they get to position of power, they develop an urge to leave behind a legacy of their own
•Cannot tolerate dissent. Will try to nip in the bud when in a position of command, not otherwise!
•Publicity crazy ( deep rooted love for limelight) and likes to lead by high sounding speech. Their preachy personality comes to the fore once they attain the 'boss' position. Good orators
•Very poor mentors and also very difficult to be mentored
•High level of conviction and passionate in what they do. Highly result oriented. ( I want result at any cost, come what may)
•Not apologetic by nature. Rarely regret
•More interested in dominating, dictating and instructing than in coaching
•Unlikable personality
•Deliberately keep themselves aloof
•Nurture grandiosity - grand plans/schemes
•Self promoting
•Strong belief in themselves that they are makers and shapers
•Low on Emotional Quotient
•Thrive very well in chaotic times. Rather relish crisis and accept big and ambitious challenges
•Credit hoggers, at the cost of others
•They feel they are 'God' and express so in so many ways
>> These dominant traits which are dormant will come to limelight at times of crisis once they usurp themselves in to the position of power.
Get a side kick: Although narcissists' dominant personality emerge in times of unprecedented crisis or opportunity, they are extremely smart in disguised form and they are absolutely aware and know of their limitations. In order to overcome their shortcomings, they find a suitable side kick ( a 'chamacha' in Indian jargon) in the organisation who very shrewdly, smartly and intelligently takes care of 'ego kicks' of his boss by aiding him in achieving grand vision. The side kick is a smart alec and a intelligent operator and stretches himself to keep his narasissitc boss rooted in to reality.
Larger than life leader: A person having a predominant traits of narcissism catapults himself to emerge as a leader in times of crisis and then on goes on to become a larger than life leader by choice, of course surrounded by side kicks. Sigmund Freud labeled larger than life leaders as narcissistic. As per him, narcissists impress majority of people, especially in times of crisis, as being big personality.
History makers: If we glance through the pages of history, narcissists have always emerged to inspire people to shape the future and destiny. They determine and set the social agenda, as they have the inherent capacity to see and paint 'big picture'.
In view of the aforesaid jottings on narcissitics, many people may think of such personalities in a negative way. Inspite of built in negative connotation in naracissim, it can be very useful and may be even necessary, especially in times of crisis to carry out surgical operations ( Indira Gandhi did carry out a carefully managed surgical war on Pakistan which led to the formation of Bangladesh. And also her Blue Star operation to weed out the terrorists hidden in the Golden temple).
Narcissistic leadership does not always necessarily mean triumphant leadership. It can lead to self destruction. History is crammed with many such cases ( imposing emergency in our country, taking the company Enron to financial disaster and, currently, terrorists threatening the security of the whole world)
As per Freud, it is interesting to note that there is a productive and also unproductive side to narcissism. Jack Welch belongs to a classic case of productive narcissist. He had the guts and highly risk oriented audacity to push through unbelivable massive transformation that society that time was unprepared but hidden willingness which was there was tapped by him.
Some known narcisstic leaders:
•Napoleon Bonaparte
•De Galle
•Mao Tse-tung
•Indira Gandhi
•General Musharaff
•Henry Ford
•Rockefeller
•Stallin
•Steve Jobs
•Bill Gates
•Jack Welch
•Mahatma Gandhi
•Andrew Carnegie
•Thomas Edison
Finally, after knowing the predominant traits of narcissistics, are we competent enough to identity who is narcissistic in our family, in our neighborhood, in our society, in the organisation we are working for, in the country, in the world at large ? Of course NOT ! Only the highly trained psychoanalysts, anthropologists, professional clinicians and pathologists as a well integrated team together can make a guess at arriving at a decision as to whether narcissism is normal or pathological !
Mohan Pujar
Source: An article by Michael Naccoby in HBR
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
What Globalisation ....?
The other day my sister Meera forwarded to me an e mail received by her on an interesting piece written by the veteran journalist Mr Swaminathan S Anklesaria Aiyer about himself and his big and well spread out family all over the world.
The article written by him was published in The Times of India, which i am appending below, as it is, to enable the reader to have an insight and a perception of his/her own:
" In 1992, I wrote a book titled Towards Globalisation. I did not realize at the time that this was going to be the history of my family.
Last week, we celebrated the wedding of my daughter, Pallavi. A brilliant student, she had won scholarships to Oxford University and the London School of Economics. In London, she met Julio, a young man from Spain. The two decided to take up jobs in Beijing, China. Last week, they came over from Beijing to Delhi to get married.
The wedding guests included 70 friends from North America, Europe and China. That may sound totally global, but arguably my elder son Shekhar has gone further. He too won a scholarship to Oxford University, and then taught for a year at a school in Colombo. Next he went to Toronto, Canada, for higher studies. There he met a German girl, Franziska. They both got jobs with the International Monetary Fund in Washington DC, USA. This meant that they constantly travelled on IMF business to disparate countries. Shekhar advised and went on missions to Sierra Leone, Seychelles, Kyrgyzstan and Laos. Franziska went to Rwanda, Tajikistan, and Russia. They interrupted these perambulations to get married in late 2003.
My younger son, Rustam, is only 15. Presumably he will study in Australia, marry a Nigerian girl, and settle in Peru.
Readers might think that my family was born and bred in a jet plane. The truth is more prosaic. Our ancestral home is Kargudi, a humble, obscure village in Tanjore district, Tamil Nadu. My earliest memories of it are as a house with no toilets, running water, or pukka road. When we visited, we disembarked from the train at Tanjore, and then travelled 45 minutes by bullock cart to reach the ancestral home. My father was one of six children, all of whom produced many children (I myself had three siblings). So, two generations later, the size of the Kargudi extended family (including spouses) is over 200. Of these, only three still live in the village. The rest have moved across India and across the whole world, from China to Arabia to Europe to America. This one Kargudi house has already produced 50 American citizens. So, dismiss the mutterings of those who claim that globalisation means westernisation. It looks more like Aiyarisation, viewed from Kargudi. What does this imply for our sense of identity? I cannot speak for the whole Kargudi clan, which ranges from rigid Tamil Brahmins to beef-eating, pizza-guzzling, hip-hop dancers. But for me, the Aiyarisation of the world does not mean Aiyar domination. Nor does it mean Aiyar submergence in a global sea. It means acquiring multiple identities, and moving closer to the ideal of a brotherhood of all humanity. I remain quite at home sitting on the floor of the Kargudi house on a mat of reeds, eating from a banana leaf with my hands. I feel just as much at home eating noodles in China, steak in Spain, teriyaki in Japan and cous-cous in Morocco. I am a Kargudi villager, a Tamilian, a Delhi-wallah, an Indian, a Washington Redskins fan, and a citizen of the world, all at the same time and with no sense of tension or contradiction.
When I see the Brihadeeswara Temple in Tanjore, my heart swells and I say to myself "This is mine." I feel exactly the same way when I see the Church of Bom Jesus in Goa, or the Jewish synagogue in Cochin, or the Siddi Sayed mosque in Ahmedabad: these too are mine. I have strolled so often through the Parks at Oxford University and along the canal in Washington, DC, that they feel part of me. As my family multiplies and intermarries, I hope one day to look at the Sagrada Familia cathedral in Barcelona and Rhine river in Germany and think, "These too are mine."
We Aiyars have a taken a step toward the vision of John Lennon. Imagine there's no country, It isn't hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too.
My father's generation was the first to leave the village, and loosen its regional shackles. My father became a chartered accountant in Lahore, an uncle became a hotel manager in Karachi, and we had an aunt in Rangoon.
My generation loosened the shackles of religion. My elder brother married a Sikh, my younger brother married a Christian, and I married a Parsi. The next generation has gone a step further, marrying across the globe. Globalisation for me is not just the movement of goods and capital, or even of Aiyars. It is a step towards Lennon's vision of no country
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope one day you'll join us. And the world will be one."
>> After going through Mr Swaminathan S Anklesaria Aiyer's piece, i could not resist expressing my thoughts on the globalisation , not purely in the context of trade and economy (!), but in the context of the contents expressed by him:
The truth is that the planet we all of us are dwelling in 'originated' with NO BORDER, NO CASTE, NO CREED, NO RELIGION, NO LANGAUGEs..... and 'NO CLOTHES' ( to emphasise 'NOTHINGNESS'.. ) to say the least that all are man made ! If it is man made, why it is so complex to realise the truth... that is a billion or a trillion dollar question ( you cannot put a price tag ! ).
There is a mind of an individual, a mind of a family, a mind of a neighbor and a society, a mind of a region, a mind of a zone, a mind of a nation, a mind of nations , a mind of continent and a mind of the planet itself ( ex: earth warming/ nuclear proliferation). You need not have to have a high IQ to realise that all these minds are certainly conditioned for sure and most of them ( 99.99999...%) are impure , corrupt , polluted, highly prejudiced, with lot of grey stuff in swollen heads( shall we say misplaced ego complex).
Mr S S A Aiyer seems to have realised the simple cosmic and absolute truth through a series of wonderful experiences and exposure in his personal life. He is blessed one... and more so to realise THE TRUTH and, therefore, talks of John Lennon's vision !
The world ( i mean earth planet in the context.. ) was born one and will extinguish as one( as and when it happens.. you cannot prescribe a lifespan... at least in our life times.. but it will happen just because it has to happen.. one or the other day !) like it is bound to happen with each and every individual living species on the earth.
If only people become as broad minded as Aiyer and his family...by choice and BY CHOICE ONLY(!).. Lennon's vision of no country ( borderless world to be more appropriate ) and no religion ( universal religion - in the broadest sense - and that can be the best religion for mankind) will be hastened.
The planet is one and the world is one ( you cannot change the overall physical outfit or the constitution of cosmic universe ) but it has been fragmented by fragmented minds.
The concept of Globalisation ( on the trade front and otherwise as well ) and that the world is one is in us.. within us...( you need not have to be blessed one to go through what Mr Aiyer has gone through to realise) ... just explore to realise the simple and absolute truth....
-Mohan Pujar
Friday, October 2, 2009
DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE OTHERS DO UNTO YOU
Invariably, all scriptures and holy books, all over the world, proclaim predominantly one universally acclaimed and applicable cosmic truth that is the title of this essay itself.
The same universal golden rule or cosmic law for good human behaviour is said in different tones and hues, carrying the same impregnated meaning of ‘ethics’ in the following oft quoted quotes which are worth quoting as they are:
“ Give to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself. “
“ Love God and love your friends and neighbours as you love yourself. “
“ What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul. “
“ For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled and he who humbles himself will be exalted. “
“ Greater is ‘HE’ that is in you than ‘he’ that is in the world. “
“ It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. “
All of us, depending on our background and exposure, have a certain degree of duality and of differentiability with other human beings. In order to overcome this duality in us, which is against the natural human behaviour, we need to understand the basic proclaimed golden rule to be happy and to make others around us happy.
Most of the problems in this world are man made despite the nature’s grace of bountifulness. If we try to have a proper perception of the root cause of present problems - either at micro or macro levels, or at individual or societal levels, or even problems being faced by different countries in the world - it boils down to basic things such as greed, hegemony, trying to dominate others, superiority complex etc.
To drive home the fundamental truth on the statement of the title of the essay, let’s go back to America in 1963. The then USA President, John F Kennedy, asked the American whites (at the time of the first black enrollment at the University of Alabama) to consider what it would be like to be treated as second class citizens because of the skin colour only. If whites were to imagine themselves being black and being told that they could not vote, or go to the best public school, or eat at the public hotels, or sit in the parks? He thundered in golden words, which are now etched not only in the American history but also in the world itself, “heart of the question is…whether we are going to treat our fellow black Americans as we whites want to be treated.”
We all of us are aware how our own Gandhi was treated in South Africa as a second class citizen by the whites due to their so called superiority complex of white skin (in fact a man made racial complex). The color of the body - whether black or white or brown - it’ the nature’s gift. Instead of understanding the basics of nature, we tend to violate rules (one set of rule for me and another set of rules for others). Our politicians, who get into power because of people, are the classic example of violating the golden rule and becoming a nuisance to the society.
Gandhi, before he became a ‘Mahatma’ and the Father of Nation’, rebelled against White South Africans in South Africa, as they were not treating him and local blacks properly and as they would have wanted others to do with a slavery mentality.
Britishers seized and ruled our country for more than two hundred years. Would they have liked it, had Indians or anyone else in the world would have done the same to them? Gandhi had to preach to Bririshers of this basic principle in a different context and a different situation altogether, to get freedom for us, although there were many other factors.
If we closely observe and scrutinize situations with a thinking mind with eyes open and ears to the ground, we realize that most of the unwanted situations we face either at home, or in society, or at corporate level, or even at national and international levels are due to one of the reason of not following this simple universal principle.
At homes, parents and elders expect too much from children, and children too demand much from elders. Elders and grown up children who understand and are aware of things around them need to mentally exchange their position to have a right perspective of a given situation. Children being young and immature, it is elders who need to be magnanimous in uderstanding the situations to adopt accordingly.
At a corporate level, you need to have a ‘ good governance’ or ‘corporate governance’ in place. You can not have a different set of rules and regulations to different segments - promotes, share holders, board members, employees, customers (stake holders at different levels to ensure the success of the corporate entity). While different rules and regulations at different hierarchical and operational levels for governance are understandable, what is also important to be understood by the top management and also by the others as well to appreciate the ‘give and take’ philosophical approach. The modern management now talks of treating their employees as their ‘internal customers’ because they want to be treated as fairly as they want their management to treat ‘outside customers’ with care and kid glove! When you say that customer is king and he should be ‘delighted’ to feel so by giving excellent services, it becomes obligatory on the part of management to look after employees ( in-house customers) who are responsible and go all out to make and feel customers as kings to ensure the sustainability of the company, which is in the interest of one and all. This is possible if there is a corporate consciousness and awareness to govern well.
At the national level, we cannot afford to have different and dual system for politicians, judges, leaders and common people. After all, who are all these so-called politicians, judges and leaders? They, invariably, emerge from the society we all of us are living in and, therefore, they should have humbleness and exhibit empathy and understand the basic principle of ‘reciprocity’ embedded in the golden rule: 'Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want them to do to you.'
At the international level, different countries (rich and powerful) behave differently (or indifferently!) towards other poor and weak countries. They are talking and are gripped of terrorism, severe climactic changes that is likely affect the very existence of this planet itself, nuclear dominance, poverty, education etc. which are nothing but the outcome of sheer exploitation of poor and weak countries with ulterior motives. The guilt of rich countries is thoroughly 'exhibited' and exposed in so called gesture of extending aid, after exploiting them mercilessously.
One of the root cause for all the ills, discrepancies and dissonance existing in different societies all over the world, briefly referred here in above, are due to the accumulated consequence of our failure to understand the cosmic and universal reality existing in the title of essay itself, and also due to lack of humbleness and sincerity to practice it, even after understanding!
Having understood the significance of the concept, let's chant loudly the following ‘mantra’ for reaffirmation:
Treat others only in ways that you are willing to be treated in the same exact situation. To apply it, you will be humble enough to imagine yourself in the exact situation and place of others on the receiving end of action.
Let’s ask ourselves a very simple question. Is it possible to ingrain in us such a workable philosophy in today’s highly competitive world? The answer has to be firm and assertive YES, and why not?
Just by being empathic and trying to increase the EQ (Empathy Quotient, which is a part of Emotional Quotient) with full awareness, it is possible.
When EQ is good for our heart, soul and health; and also for people around us, why not increase our EQ score and make this planet a better place to live in, howsoever a small contribution from our side.
Invariably, all scriptures and holy books, all over the world, proclaim predominantly one universally acclaimed and applicable cosmic truth that is the title of this essay itself.
The same universal golden rule or cosmic law for good human behaviour is said in different tones and hues, carrying the same impregnated meaning of ‘ethics’ in the following oft quoted quotes which are worth quoting as they are:
“ Give to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself. “
“ Love God and love your friends and neighbours as you love yourself. “
“ What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul. “
“ For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled and he who humbles himself will be exalted. “
“ Greater is ‘HE’ that is in you than ‘he’ that is in the world. “
“ It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. “
All of us, depending on our background and exposure, have a certain degree of duality and of differentiability with other human beings. In order to overcome this duality in us, which is against the natural human behaviour, we need to understand the basic proclaimed golden rule to be happy and to make others around us happy.
Most of the problems in this world are man made despite the nature’s grace of bountifulness. If we try to have a proper perception of the root cause of present problems - either at micro or macro levels, or at individual or societal levels, or even problems being faced by different countries in the world - it boils down to basic things such as greed, hegemony, trying to dominate others, superiority complex etc.
To drive home the fundamental truth on the statement of the title of the essay, let’s go back to America in 1963. The then USA President, John F Kennedy, asked the American whites (at the time of the first black enrollment at the University of Alabama) to consider what it would be like to be treated as second class citizens because of the skin colour only. If whites were to imagine themselves being black and being told that they could not vote, or go to the best public school, or eat at the public hotels, or sit in the parks? He thundered in golden words, which are now etched not only in the American history but also in the world itself, “heart of the question is…whether we are going to treat our fellow black Americans as we whites want to be treated.”
We all of us are aware how our own Gandhi was treated in South Africa as a second class citizen by the whites due to their so called superiority complex of white skin (in fact a man made racial complex). The color of the body - whether black or white or brown - it’ the nature’s gift. Instead of understanding the basics of nature, we tend to violate rules (one set of rule for me and another set of rules for others). Our politicians, who get into power because of people, are the classic example of violating the golden rule and becoming a nuisance to the society.
Gandhi, before he became a ‘Mahatma’ and the Father of Nation’, rebelled against White South Africans in South Africa, as they were not treating him and local blacks properly and as they would have wanted others to do with a slavery mentality.
Britishers seized and ruled our country for more than two hundred years. Would they have liked it, had Indians or anyone else in the world would have done the same to them? Gandhi had to preach to Bririshers of this basic principle in a different context and a different situation altogether, to get freedom for us, although there were many other factors.
If we closely observe and scrutinize situations with a thinking mind with eyes open and ears to the ground, we realize that most of the unwanted situations we face either at home, or in society, or at corporate level, or even at national and international levels are due to one of the reason of not following this simple universal principle.
At homes, parents and elders expect too much from children, and children too demand much from elders. Elders and grown up children who understand and are aware of things around them need to mentally exchange their position to have a right perspective of a given situation. Children being young and immature, it is elders who need to be magnanimous in uderstanding the situations to adopt accordingly.
At a corporate level, you need to have a ‘ good governance’ or ‘corporate governance’ in place. You can not have a different set of rules and regulations to different segments - promotes, share holders, board members, employees, customers (stake holders at different levels to ensure the success of the corporate entity). While different rules and regulations at different hierarchical and operational levels for governance are understandable, what is also important to be understood by the top management and also by the others as well to appreciate the ‘give and take’ philosophical approach. The modern management now talks of treating their employees as their ‘internal customers’ because they want to be treated as fairly as they want their management to treat ‘outside customers’ with care and kid glove! When you say that customer is king and he should be ‘delighted’ to feel so by giving excellent services, it becomes obligatory on the part of management to look after employees ( in-house customers) who are responsible and go all out to make and feel customers as kings to ensure the sustainability of the company, which is in the interest of one and all. This is possible if there is a corporate consciousness and awareness to govern well.
At the national level, we cannot afford to have different and dual system for politicians, judges, leaders and common people. After all, who are all these so-called politicians, judges and leaders? They, invariably, emerge from the society we all of us are living in and, therefore, they should have humbleness and exhibit empathy and understand the basic principle of ‘reciprocity’ embedded in the golden rule: 'Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want them to do to you.'
At the international level, different countries (rich and powerful) behave differently (or indifferently!) towards other poor and weak countries. They are talking and are gripped of terrorism, severe climactic changes that is likely affect the very existence of this planet itself, nuclear dominance, poverty, education etc. which are nothing but the outcome of sheer exploitation of poor and weak countries with ulterior motives. The guilt of rich countries is thoroughly 'exhibited' and exposed in so called gesture of extending aid, after exploiting them mercilessously.
One of the root cause for all the ills, discrepancies and dissonance existing in different societies all over the world, briefly referred here in above, are due to the accumulated consequence of our failure to understand the cosmic and universal reality existing in the title of essay itself, and also due to lack of humbleness and sincerity to practice it, even after understanding!
Having understood the significance of the concept, let's chant loudly the following ‘mantra’ for reaffirmation:
Treat others only in ways that you are willing to be treated in the same exact situation. To apply it, you will be humble enough to imagine yourself in the exact situation and place of others on the receiving end of action.
Let’s ask ourselves a very simple question. Is it possible to ingrain in us such a workable philosophy in today’s highly competitive world? The answer has to be firm and assertive YES, and why not?
Just by being empathic and trying to increase the EQ (Empathy Quotient, which is a part of Emotional Quotient) with full awareness, it is possible.
When EQ is good for our heart, soul and health; and also for people around us, why not increase our EQ score and make this planet a better place to live in, howsoever a small contribution from our side.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
MY SECRET GARDEN !
When I was in school, i used to dream about having my own garden which, i suppose, was perceived on the kind of movies i used to watch during those times. There were no TV tubes that time to tax and over burden our basic senses - eyes and ears ( and brains too !).
Although the quality, technique and technology, themes, fashion, culture etc. have changed considerably, and will continue to change, in making films, the gardens have not changed at all. After all, what can you change in your garden, except for the type of flowers, lawns, type of grass fencing, landscaping ( or, more aptly, gardenscaping). What is natural in cosmos cannot be changed.
In harmony with natural cosmic laws and principles, you can plant seeds of your choice and bring new life to the garden. As the roots are warmed and the garden cultivated, you bring about a dramatic transformation within one season or in the coming seasons. What is applicable to garden is applicable to us as well.
As all of us know, we all live three lives - public, private and secret. In public life, we interact with people around us - colleagues/peers, friends and associates. In private life, we interact with our betterhalves, close acquaintances, family members and children more intimately. The secret life is all yours; where your 'mind' is and feels bit better due to the 'feeling of liberation in isolation' in the assumed secrecy !
The secret life is like your best kept secret garden. This garden, you can have it the way you want to and cultivate it the way you desire. You can have your secret garden on the mountains, on top of trees, make it sail on waters, or float it in the sky, or do it amazingly and innovatively different, if your brainbuds permit you to do so with acceptance. The choice has to be yours out of conviction. This secret garden is the one you need to visit to meditate, calm and quietly, in the serene and conducive surroundings created by you only by your choice. This is the place where you can explore secret life and examine motives and desires to give a direction.
As per Stephen R. Covey ( SRC for short ), the well known author:
Quote:
- The secret life is the key to a quality life and that is the key to culture, products, and services.
- The public and private lives are essentially scripted by who and what precedes and surrounds us or by the pressures of the environment. And so we never exercise that unique endowment of self-awareness the key to the secret life where you can stand apart from yourself and observe our own involvement.
- Courage is required to explore our secret life because we must first withdraw from the social mirror, where we are fed positive and negative feedback continuously. As we get used to this social feedback, it becomes a comfort zone. And we may opt to avoid self-examination and idle away our time in a vacuum of reverie and rationalization. In that frame of mind, we have little sense of identity, safety, or security.
- The most critical junctures in my life take place when I visit my secret life and ask, "What do I think? What do I believe is right? What should my motives be?" These are times when I choose my motives. One such time occurred when I first heard Dag Hammarskjold say, "It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual, than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses." That statement had such a profound effect on me that I started to say to myself in regard to my relationships with other people.
- One of the exciting fruits of the "secret garden" is an ability to consciously choose your own motives. Until you choose your own motives, you really can't choose to live your own life. Everything flows out of motive and motivation that is the root of our deepest desires.
- Most of us spend our busy days privately doing our thing, never pausing long enough to enter the secret life, the secret garden, where we can create masterpieces, discover great truths
- People who regularly explore their secret life and examine their motives are better able to see into the hearts of others, practice real empathy, bestow real empowerment and affirm worth and identity.
Unquote
Create your own secret garden, knowingly very well that there is no secrecy existing in the cosmos ! Visit this sacred place of your own creation and choice, as many times as possible, to realise our own self.
-Mohan Pujar
Saturday, September 12, 2009
WHETHER MONEY MATTERS.... ?
My daughter Shreya was in a big dilemma when her teacher left her with no other alternative but to speak against " Money Matters" subject in the inter college debate competition. She was initially not happy as her batch mate was asked to speak 'for' on the topic.
It was difficult for her to reconcile (even now also she is not) to the fact that she has to speak on 'Money Doesn't Matter’, when she is not at all convenienced.
I tried to prevail upon her that in a debate whether you speak ‘for’ or ‘against’ is not so important than the content and how you convey across the same to the audience by proper posturing and body language.
Appended below is her version on the subject, after getting inputs from different sources. I do not know whether she spoke in the spirit of debate competition or out of her conviction or just for the heck it!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHETHER MONEY MATTERS OR NOT?
In today's highly materialistic world, if you ask any Tom, Dick or Harry that ‘Money doesn't matter’? Be rest assured, everyone will start laughing at you: What? Money doesn’t matter? Of course, it does. It can buy me anything and everything I want to buy to make me happy.
It is only an ignorant, immature and arrogant mind that worships money as God, ignoring the basic fact that money is only a sort of resource or a via media to carry out transactions. In ancient times, people lived without money and without currency, for the simple reason that they did not need it as they had everything in abundant that they wanted. When there is abundance and plenty of everything all around to meet the needs of all creatures on this planet, you realise that money really doesn't matter.
Yes, money makes many things but certainly not all. Yes:
You can buy bed but not sleep.
It gives wealth but not natural health - hale and heartiness
You can buy food but not appetite
It gives you fame but not satisfaction
It can buy worldly pleasures but not happiness.
Money can't buy friends but it can get you better class of enemies!
Can money buy for me, my own parents, sisters and brothers? Our kith and kins, friends and and dedicated teachers with commitment to groom students to make them as good citizens of the country; who are a rare gifts of God to us. Can we buy God's gifts in the market, from money, to say that money really matters?
Have you ever noticed that most of the sulking, complaining, criticising, condemning and miserable people you meet in everyday life are rich people? The unnecessary misery these people go through and heap upon themselves, which is their own making, is not because they do not have enough money. They have enough money but they do not have what they essentially need to have - character, integrity, compassion, empathy and humanness, which money cannot buy, as these things are not available for sale in the market.
An exhaustive research study conducted by the University of Illinois has very clearly indicated that majority of the richest people in America are not as happy as 'have nots'. In reality, the glossy picture of the so called 'happy rich person' that most people hold in their minds is simply an illusion - a myth. Money can buy sense gratification, but certainly not actual happiness.
As per Peter Ubel, a professor of medicine at the University of Michigan, the relationship between money and everlasting happiness, is not existent at all. You can buy sense and physical pleasures, you can buy short lived happiness, but not everlasting happiness known as total bliss.
To you a person, who is lost in the desert and is suffering under the scorching sun and on the verge of collapse; if you offer him a choice of sweets, diamond, wad of notes and a glass of water; what would he prefer ? The common sense tells us that for his survival, of course, he will grab the glass of water without ever caring for other things that are there for free ! Once you survive, you start ‘acquiring’ and this ‘acquiring’ is nothing but a shade of greed that changes from person to person, situation to situation and from place to place, depending on the kind of society we live in.
Yes, we all of us need money to meet our basic needs for survival and healthy existent on this planet and, beyond this, if you want money, it is called greed. A greedy person becomes corrupt and corruption leads to contamination of mind, body and soul.
The everlasting peace, happiness and bliss is what we all human beings are aspiring for, which cannot be purchased by exchange of money.
While concluding, i would like to say that “Money can buy you a fine and well bred dog but only pure love can make it’s wag tail.
Friends, pure love and total bliss, which you need to have to share with others to have everlasting peace and happiness is not a commodity that is available in the market for purchase. It is in you, within you. Please explore.
-- Shrooti Pujar
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MP
It was difficult for her to reconcile (even now also she is not) to the fact that she has to speak on 'Money Doesn't Matter’, when she is not at all convenienced.
I tried to prevail upon her that in a debate whether you speak ‘for’ or ‘against’ is not so important than the content and how you convey across the same to the audience by proper posturing and body language.
Appended below is her version on the subject, after getting inputs from different sources. I do not know whether she spoke in the spirit of debate competition or out of her conviction or just for the heck it!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHETHER MONEY MATTERS OR NOT?
In today's highly materialistic world, if you ask any Tom, Dick or Harry that ‘Money doesn't matter’? Be rest assured, everyone will start laughing at you: What? Money doesn’t matter? Of course, it does. It can buy me anything and everything I want to buy to make me happy.
It is only an ignorant, immature and arrogant mind that worships money as God, ignoring the basic fact that money is only a sort of resource or a via media to carry out transactions. In ancient times, people lived without money and without currency, for the simple reason that they did not need it as they had everything in abundant that they wanted. When there is abundance and plenty of everything all around to meet the needs of all creatures on this planet, you realise that money really doesn't matter.
Yes, money makes many things but certainly not all. Yes:
You can buy bed but not sleep.
It gives wealth but not natural health - hale and heartiness
You can buy food but not appetite
It gives you fame but not satisfaction
It can buy worldly pleasures but not happiness.
Money can't buy friends but it can get you better class of enemies!
Can money buy for me, my own parents, sisters and brothers? Our kith and kins, friends and and dedicated teachers with commitment to groom students to make them as good citizens of the country; who are a rare gifts of God to us. Can we buy God's gifts in the market, from money, to say that money really matters?
Have you ever noticed that most of the sulking, complaining, criticising, condemning and miserable people you meet in everyday life are rich people? The unnecessary misery these people go through and heap upon themselves, which is their own making, is not because they do not have enough money. They have enough money but they do not have what they essentially need to have - character, integrity, compassion, empathy and humanness, which money cannot buy, as these things are not available for sale in the market.
An exhaustive research study conducted by the University of Illinois has very clearly indicated that majority of the richest people in America are not as happy as 'have nots'. In reality, the glossy picture of the so called 'happy rich person' that most people hold in their minds is simply an illusion - a myth. Money can buy sense gratification, but certainly not actual happiness.
As per Peter Ubel, a professor of medicine at the University of Michigan, the relationship between money and everlasting happiness, is not existent at all. You can buy sense and physical pleasures, you can buy short lived happiness, but not everlasting happiness known as total bliss.
To you a person, who is lost in the desert and is suffering under the scorching sun and on the verge of collapse; if you offer him a choice of sweets, diamond, wad of notes and a glass of water; what would he prefer ? The common sense tells us that for his survival, of course, he will grab the glass of water without ever caring for other things that are there for free ! Once you survive, you start ‘acquiring’ and this ‘acquiring’ is nothing but a shade of greed that changes from person to person, situation to situation and from place to place, depending on the kind of society we live in.
Yes, we all of us need money to meet our basic needs for survival and healthy existent on this planet and, beyond this, if you want money, it is called greed. A greedy person becomes corrupt and corruption leads to contamination of mind, body and soul.
The everlasting peace, happiness and bliss is what we all human beings are aspiring for, which cannot be purchased by exchange of money.
While concluding, i would like to say that “Money can buy you a fine and well bred dog but only pure love can make it’s wag tail.
Friends, pure love and total bliss, which you need to have to share with others to have everlasting peace and happiness is not a commodity that is available in the market for purchase. It is in you, within you. Please explore.
-- Shrooti Pujar
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MP
Sunday, September 6, 2009
The Truth
Truth cannot be fully and clearely explained and/or expressed through the medium of sheer words but you need to go through words and more words, sentences, paragraphs, pages, books and scriptures ( which are all full of words) ; and interactions with 'knowledgeable' people, seers and jnanis; to go nearer to the truth.
Can you differentiate various shades of truth - absolute truth, ultimate truth, pure truth, eternal truth, supreme truth, infinite truth, permanent truth, perfect truth, universal truth ? You cannot, for the simple reason that the truth does not have any shades, colours or contamination. Truth cannot be explained or described, imagined or even comprehended as IT is beyond all sounds, words and langauges.
The mind is an absolute idiot and it cannot grasp the truth, as it is crowded and heavily congested with millions and billions of accumulated thoghts and continues to get bombarded with continuous and nonstop flow of thoughts. The intellect has its limitations and can explain effectively only up to the ultimate reach of the mind, which is already handicapped and conditioned with accumulated thoughts (not experience !) of the past. Beyond certain limit and level, mind becomes powerless and insipid and hence unable to realise the truth.
Although the truth cannot be fully expressed or understood, a road map is necessary to arrive at the truth and for that you need words and sentences. One can stretch to try to understand what lies between the lines/sentences and words. As words and sentences have limitations, it becomes only a perception of understanding which we call as truth. The perceptions keep changing from person to person but the truth cannot change from person to person, except to have a perception as per his choice based on his past experience, associaition, situational existence and, ofcourse, his mind play.
We all of us lead a life of duality - dual personality - bad/good, knowledgeable/ignorant, honest/dishonest, love/hate, likes/dislikes, understanding/misunderstang etc. Only and only when we rise above these dualities - dual perceptions- may we then become eligible to know the 'understanding'.
The concept of total understanding - the truth - is a mystery. How can there be a total understanding when thoughts cannot reach there. Mind is an absolute complex entity as it has a remarkable capacity to imagine what it cannot perceive or experience and this power of the mind differs from person to person and from time to time( may be for the same individual !). It clearly means the power of understanding is at different levels for different people, though the TRUTH is far beyond all these so called 'understanding'.
Getting back to words and sentences, it is the stillness that is there and exists; behind and between words and sentences ; and the nanosecond silence that surely exists in the gaps between words and sentences , takes us nearer to explain far more effectively, in detail and indepth, than what mere words and sentences can !
To understand the truth, the false notions and the untruths that already exists in the mental space need to be emptied out altogether. It is only when false notions are knocked out from the mental space, will there be any space to be able to be filled with the understanding of reality. As per the Cosmic Law, two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time( What is applicable to furnitures and house holds is also applicable to our own mind as well !)
It is here and now that we need to make a choice of empting out untruths, false notions, conditioned mind from mind itself. Either you choose the ego with all its contents which keeps on corrupting and contaminating us all the time or the 'truth', in our quest for the ultimate truth. By Cosmic Law again, you cannot have both.
Posted by zencosmicveda-up at 4:08 AM 0 comments
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The Truth
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Mohan Pujar
Bangalore, Karnataka, India
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Can you differentiate various shades of truth - absolute truth, ultimate truth, pure truth, eternal truth, supreme truth, infinite truth, permanent truth, perfect truth, universal truth ? You cannot, for the simple reason that the truth does not have any shades, colours or contamination. Truth cannot be explained or described, imagined or even comprehended as IT is beyond all sounds, words and langauges.
The mind is an absolute idiot and it cannot grasp the truth, as it is crowded and heavily congested with millions and billions of accumulated thoghts and continues to get bombarded with continuous and nonstop flow of thoughts. The intellect has its limitations and can explain effectively only up to the ultimate reach of the mind, which is already handicapped and conditioned with accumulated thoughts (not experience !) of the past. Beyond certain limit and level, mind becomes powerless and insipid and hence unable to realise the truth.
Although the truth cannot be fully expressed or understood, a road map is necessary to arrive at the truth and for that you need words and sentences. One can stretch to try to understand what lies between the lines/sentences and words. As words and sentences have limitations, it becomes only a perception of understanding which we call as truth. The perceptions keep changing from person to person but the truth cannot change from person to person, except to have a perception as per his choice based on his past experience, associaition, situational existence and, ofcourse, his mind play.
We all of us lead a life of duality - dual personality - bad/good, knowledgeable/ignorant, honest/dishonest, love/hate, likes/dislikes, understanding/misunderstang etc. Only and only when we rise above these dualities - dual perceptions- may we then become eligible to know the 'understanding'.
The concept of total understanding - the truth - is a mystery. How can there be a total understanding when thoughts cannot reach there. Mind is an absolute complex entity as it has a remarkable capacity to imagine what it cannot perceive or experience and this power of the mind differs from person to person and from time to time( may be for the same individual !). It clearly means the power of understanding is at different levels for different people, though the TRUTH is far beyond all these so called 'understanding'.
Getting back to words and sentences, it is the stillness that is there and exists; behind and between words and sentences ; and the nanosecond silence that surely exists in the gaps between words and sentences , takes us nearer to explain far more effectively, in detail and indepth, than what mere words and sentences can !
To understand the truth, the false notions and the untruths that already exists in the mental space need to be emptied out altogether. It is only when false notions are knocked out from the mental space, will there be any space to be able to be filled with the understanding of reality. As per the Cosmic Law, two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time( What is applicable to furnitures and house holds is also applicable to our own mind as well !)
It is here and now that we need to make a choice of empting out untruths, false notions, conditioned mind from mind itself. Either you choose the ego with all its contents which keeps on corrupting and contaminating us all the time or the 'truth', in our quest for the ultimate truth. By Cosmic Law again, you cannot have both.
Posted by zencosmicveda-up at 4:08 AM 0 comments
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) Blog Archive
▼ 2009 (1)
▼ September (1)
The Truth
About Me
Mohan Pujar
Bangalore, Karnataka, India
View my complete profile
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)